he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
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