I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
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