I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Randomize
