So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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