No stitches, just platelets and will power
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Randomize
