in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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