You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Randomize
