dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
