We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
