im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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