it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
