i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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