That's when you crack a 10am beer
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
