people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
pop tarts are not kleenex
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Randomize
