Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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