you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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