I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
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