I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
