a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
