goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
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