Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
