I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Randomize
