I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
zippers are such a cool invention
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
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