hotel room ftw
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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