pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
