She's JV to your varsity
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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