K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
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