If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
His nipple licking is glorious
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