And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
