Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Randomize
