When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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