I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize
