Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
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