This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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