Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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