so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
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