I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Randomize
