RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
