I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
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