I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
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Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
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I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
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