She said she wanted to have closure sex.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Randomize
