I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Randomize
