Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
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