I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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