sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
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