Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
