i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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