I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
