Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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