I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
