so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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