So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
if i can run in heels then i can drive
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
