After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
