sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
