If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
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