i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
