She said her name was "party"
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
