I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Randomize
