ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
