he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
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