This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
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