we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Randomize
