Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
