Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
