There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
