I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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