Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
porn star boner night. come get it.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
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