We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
