well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
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If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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