I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
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at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
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Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
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